My Last Tributes to Dad
I want to remember my Dad as a man who was not only a strong physical man, but also a man with convictions and determination. He was one of the smartest men I have ever encountered and have the privilege to get to know and be a student of. He was fast with decisions making and was right on target most of the time, in hindsight. He was a man of actions and not words. This was how he demonstrated his love to us. He did not like to socialize much and did not want to be part of big social gatherings (his shyness), but deep inside, he wanted to be touched, belonged and accepted. His passions to help others and to give of his for the purposes of helping out less fortunate were insurmountable to recollect. Perhaps, it was his strong religious background and faith that kept him grounded all these crazy times when things went bitterly and sourly for him. When I think of his life, I think of his devotions, sacrifices, givings, struggling with the battles within and external alike for the good of his children and the people around him. His short time on earth with us all left a big imprint forever on all of our hearts and memories.
My Dad is a truly blessed man as measured by the last few weeks of his life. All his children were able to fly in from Vietnam or drove in from California, Michigan, Nevada, New York, Missouri, Arizona, and Illinois. Most of all his nieces and nephews from Ohio were able to take time out to be with him to pay tributes to him on his last few days. Trung, who was the last planned visitor and had previously spent sometimes with my Dad was able to make it just in-time, just hours before my Dad’s passing. Last but not least are his nieces and nephews right there in Houston. Y’all always were around and supported him. In this time of sadness, there was definitely some closeness and goodness that came out of it all. It made us all that much closer to our siblings and cousins. The bonding of me and Son was almost instantaneous. We clicked on all cylinders. Our childhood and upbringings mirrored each other almost identically. Perhaps because we are the same age and speak and have similar life experiences. It was an amazing personal gratification to see all the siblings and cousins mingled and have small talks with each others, laughed and cried together. To think that we all are related and having such a great time together, this was truly amazing from my views. It was the biggest extended family gathering we have had since we all left VN together in 1975.
Few more memories from childhood with my dad are:
I guess there is some truth to the old saying “the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach”. I do have some great memories with my Dad in this area of life.
1. Staying up late at night eating and talking with him. He was always creative in cooking up something. On the weekends, he sometimes tried to cook up “Thi.t Heo Kho Ta`u”. Eating rice with “Ca’ Kho^ Nu*o*ng” was one of our favorite late night dishes. Not to mention “Kim Chi” and Pepperidge Farm Sausages…
2. On many occasions, he took us to the park closed by our house to watch us play and to see me whip Hao in soccer and other sports, since I was better gifted in sports…
3. Watching WWF wrestling on Sundays before going to church. He loved watching wrestling on TV. Perhaps, it was his passive way of releasing his stress and tensions from work without having to resort real life beating/wrestling with us…
Being in California for the last 22 years (since 1987), I missed out on lots of internal family drama and details. Thus, I was shocked and amazed at what took place around 15 plus years ago that drove a wedge between our parents and furthers the divisiveness of our siblings. Now, I love both of my parents, and see the goodness in both and the mistakes in both. No one is perfect, and we all make mistakes. I make mistakes too and would be the first to admit my wrongdoings. We all are only human. However, similar to Trung’s email earlier, I chose to pick and chose the best behaviors/traits from each to carry-forward to the next generation, while burying the bad behaviors. But, I hope at this time of his passing, we all can tear down that wall of divisiveness and to be able to forgive and forget and to allow healing and to be closer to each other. Let us all come together keep in touch better than we have had in the past. The reality is, life is too short to hold grudges, be angry, and sad. This should be the lesson learned by all in this sad ordeal.
Even today, it seems surreal what took place in the last few weeks especially the last few moments with him. Now, back to reality, my Dad is forever gone! On earth, we can replace lost material goods, but we can’t replace life. This is the true sadness of it all. But, I know he is now passed on to something that is bigger, better, and brighter than what this earthly life can ever provide for him. May he rest in peace and his soul is blessed by the Holy Spirit. We all hope to be able to reunite with him one day, in a place as he described as a “cool place” to be.
Your Beloved Son,
Kiet
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