Reflections Upon Water

Through these past weeks since Cau Nam's death, undoubtedly like many of you, I have experienced untimely waves of emotions accompanied by much reflection on his life, its meaning to us, and where we go from here. Chi Lan-Anh had predicted this would come based on her personal experience related to the loss of her husband Michael a few years back. As for myself, the experience of loving, expessing, and making sense of these recent events have been wildly complex and have been difficult to put put into words. Over and over, I've found it helpful to fall back on the use of metaphors to try to get in touch with and hopefully to be able to integrate it all into a meaningful whole. 

Following is a private poem that I've referred back to through the years when faith and reason have failed. At the risk of being misinterpreted for a literal or prescriptive piece, I would like to offer it now as a metaphoric expression of my experiences in piecing together of the events of these past weeks. My other hope in sharing it now is that someone else in reading it might relate, be helped in finding an outlet or perspective for their own expressions or questions. Best wishes to all in each one's own journey toward wholeness.

 

Amidst what forces did erupt and pound
Shattering polished breastplates and skilled vertebrae
Amidst hearts that implode and explode with unskilled restraint
Am I skilled 
Am I renewed
Am I present at the hearth of sacred earth

Across her waters have I heard the call resound
Her mist consumed me
Against her brow have I been crushed
Her breast bore my delight 
Now by her spirit am I grounded
By her strength am I shielded
And in the fullness of her communion am I healed

Amidst what forces do I embrace
Across her waters do I persist
That before me lies to which I have been called
That which above pre-echoes them below
That would the call upon my will succeed
That greater purpose yet through me be redeemed